I've been studying up on humor and how to write humor. This exercise is designed to pit a character who uses humor against a situation that's not humorous. The two opposing idea play off of each other. It's a start, but I've found that, personally, humor is tough to write.

The Abandoned Library

A still silence settled over the abandoned library. Spears of light from the late morning sun pierced through the windows highlighting millions of dust particles that danced through the air.

“How about this one?” said Christian Pit. He pulled a dusty tome from the shelf and blew on the cover. A dust cloud erupted, sending him into a coughing frenzy. After he had recovered, he wiped the cover with a grimy hand and held it up to show Leila. A wide grin spread across his face, and he raised is eyebrows. Leila’s face fell flat.

“Really?” she said dispassionately. “All the books in this place and you pick the Kama Sutra to save?”

Christian flipped through the pages and shrugged.

“You said that we needed to find the important books to take with us. Never know when we might need something like this.”

The Cheshire Cat smile crossed his face again. Laila rolled her eyes.

“You wish,” she said.

“What was that you said about being the last man on earth?”

“You’re not the last man on earth,” Leila said, giving him a deadly look. “Now, get back to work.”

“I’m as good as the last man on earth,” Christian mumbled to himself. He took a peek over his shoulder to check that Leila wasn’t looking and then slid the book into his pocket with a wry grin before continuing through the sparse shelves before wandering into the children’s section.

Leila scanned the shelves, occasionally lifting a dusty book and carefully placing it in a canvas bag hung across her body. Leila Tuscano, the former scientist, had now become a book hunter, a new sort of Indiana Jones. And here came her bumbling assistant Christian carrying…

“Dr. Suess?”

She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes, whispering a pray. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Christian again.

“We’re looking for significant works of humanity to preserve, and you bring me Dr. Suess?”

“Hey,” Christian said, “the Lorax taught me a lot about saving the environment, even though, well, you know.”

Leila exhaled. “We’re looking for the greatest thinkers: Socrates, Plato, Confucius, Jesus. Literary giants like Shakespeare, Homer, Dante. Just find what you can, okay? We don’t have a lot of time. You brought the torches, right?”

A moment of silence passed.

“Funny thing,” said Christian. “I had them, and then I got hungry, so I set them down to get a snack. I guess I forgot the pick them back up.” He chuckled nervously. “You know, if we just go long enough, we could just develop really good night vision. Like cats. I’m sure they couldn’t see well at first and had to practice it or something.”

“If they show up,” Leila said, “I’m throwing you out to them and leaving.”

“Hey now, there’s no need to get extreme about it. It was an honest mistake.”

“I hope it was worth being your last meal.”

Christian’s head danced back and forth as he considered the statement. “I mean, I would have preferred a nicely cooked steak, but this wasn’t too bad.”

“Just find the books,” Leila said through gritted teeth.

Leila looked to the window where the light had become a deep orange with a eerie shade of green. The moldy, stale scent of paper and dust brought back memories that she pushed to the back of her mind.

Ever since the phenomenon, sitting still and processing had not been much of an option. The coronal mass ejection from the sun had been the largest one ever recorded, nearly three times larger than the Carrington Event. With only a couple days notice, humanity was not prepared. The Earth’s magnetic field couldn’t withstand the solar ejection. That’s when all the lights went out.

They perused what books they could with the remaining light before darkness descended. The green lights in the sky gave off enough of a glow that they could still see with difficulty. Christian found a couple of useful books, but this library didn’t have much else.

“We need to go,” said Leila, eyeing the dancing green lights outside. “We’ve already stayed longer than we should have. Let’s go. Quietly.”

They tiptoed to the large, oaken front door, and Leila reached for the handle when a loud crash made them jump back. They both stared at the door and jumped once more as something crashed into the door. A third crash caused Leila to start working her way backwards.

“We have to find another way out of here,” Leila whispered.

“I need to find a new pair of underwear,” Christian said.

“Follow me,” Leila said, leading him toward the back.

“Mom always told me to make sure I had clean underwear on in case I was in an accident or had to go to the hospital,” Christian mumbled to himself, shaking his head. “She never said anything about having an extra pair in case the underwear is the accident.”

“Christian,” Leila shouted in a whisper. “Focus. This is what you signed up for when I hired you.”

Another crash to the front door.

“I don’t think you understand,” said Christian. “That scared the crap out of me. I’ve got a full-blown mudslide going on here.”

“Would you shut up about your pants and help me find a way out?”

“Aye aye, cap’n,” Christian saluted.

They stepped over piles of discarded books and skirted the occasional hole in the floorboards as they made their way to the back of the library. They found the small rear door, but something pounded on it when they approached.

“Come on,” said Leila. “I saw a small side door earlier.”

This door, too, joined the chorus of door percussions when they approached.

“Great,” said Christian. “We’re going to die, and the last thing I contributed to the world is a pair of dirty drawers.”

“We’re not going to die,” said Leila, tugging on Christian. “I have an idea. This way.”

“Whatever you say,” said Christian. “At least you’re going to be a pretty corpse.”